i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
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