I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
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