dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
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