My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
Please advise as to how precisely ashamed I should be if I just became sexually aroused by a Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince preview
Dude manswers just said that a guy can only cum up to eight times in one day. I'm gonna prove that show wrong.
ha well at least you have goals.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
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