all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
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