I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
It's Friday. Sex?
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
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