She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
should my penis look like a turkey
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
