Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
smell my finger.
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
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Pass out mid-funnel last night.
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
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The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
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