i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
Randomize
