I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
Randomize
