I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
Randomize
