I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
Randomize
