i'm signing you up for texting rehab
No, veal is cruel because they chain them down, I'm talking about free range human babys here.
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
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