My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
