I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
Randomize
