you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
Randomize
