i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
Randomize
