if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
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