just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize
