All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
