Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
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