My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
My vagina just clenched in fear
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
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