Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
Dicks are not precious.
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
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