one word: firstdatebathroomanal
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
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