just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
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