You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
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