I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
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