Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
Randomize
