Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
Randomize
