Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
Randomize
