im gay
i know
yea but for you.
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
Randomize
