Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
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