The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
Randomize
