is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
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