Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
Those balls look pretty dangerous.
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
Randomize
