Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
Randomize
