youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
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