White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
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