i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
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