she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
Randomize
