well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
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