i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
i may or may not be watching the land before time
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
Randomize
