hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
Randomize
