Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
I just googled if crying burns calories
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
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