Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
Randomize
