Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
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The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
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There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
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