watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
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