Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
Randomize
