if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
Randomize
