I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
Bang-toberfest begins!!
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
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