Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
What happened to fro yo and sex?
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
Randomize
