Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
I just forgot I was standing up.
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
Randomize
