am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
They are going to name an STD after you.
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
Randomize
