im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
smell my finger.
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Randomize
