Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
Randomize
