Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
RA just said I set the all time record for a student who lost houseing..30min..I was moveing out while my new roomate was moveing in. know of any off campous places to stay??
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
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