your parents love me but you hate me
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
Randomize
