he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
Randomize
