I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
Still dying that you shit outside
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
Randomize
