Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
Randomize
