Define "chronic" masturbator.
yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
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