hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
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