Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
Randomize
